how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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