forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
MIDGETS
????
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
