What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
