I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
