....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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