You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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