Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just cropdusted the office
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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