My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
it's great music for shaving your balls
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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