The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
