Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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