My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
