You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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