plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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