went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
