my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
