my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
