He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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