do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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