i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you inspire me to be a worse person
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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