what day is it and did you see me today?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
