Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
accomplished twins. life is a go
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
