And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
