I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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