You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I deserve this hangover.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
