dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i think i just lost a toe
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
