she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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