she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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