if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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