today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You ate ashes out of my bong
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
