it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Randomize
