i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
