i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
