i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
