Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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