I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
