i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
