My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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