Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
