I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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