$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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