You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
