Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
