what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
