this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
