Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
