Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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