The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
