the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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