No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
