the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
