Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
