i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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