if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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